the lorelai to my rory

March 22, 2017


Dear mum, 
it's hard to write this post. I have a heart full of beautiful words for you and eyes filled with love and respect but when it comes to writing them all down, I feel empty. I know, I know, I hear you say "honey, but writing is your thing, words are what you're made of, they are what makes your heart sing" and yes, I agree with you completely but mum, it's hard. 
It's hard to put into words how much I respect you as a woman, how much I look up to you as a human and how much I deeply truly love you as a daughter. It's hard. But I'm trying.

You see, I feel the luckiest person alive because I have you and it may sound cheesy but it's true. I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it wasn't for you. I wouldn't be this strong and hopeful. I wouldn't be a nice person, someone who speaks from her heart, someone who gets attached too much, too soon; I wouldn't be a dreamer. But I am. I am all of these things thanks to you.

Life hasn't been great for me lately, and you know it, but you keep telling me to resist, you keep telling me to be strong and to hope for better things and I do because you give me the strength. I'm a very insecure person, I keep asking people for their opinion because that's what keeps me going, that's what fuels me, what makes me believe I'm doing right or wrong. You taught me not. You taught me to follow my instincts, to try, to see what would happen if...

You're a constant reminder of how giving your life for the people you love is never a waste of time; sacrifice made you who you are and it also made you the kind of woman I want to become one day. The way you love, unconditionally and forever, made me want to give my love to those I thought loved me back but didn't. I don't regret it though, love is not something you should regret, you taught me that too.

I'm blessed. I get to spend every single day with you and I already know how hard it's going to be one day, when I will have to follow my path, away from where you are. 
I can't tell you how scared I am. This is one thing I will never tell you. I'm scared to look at your hands and see how they start getting old and how your chocolate brown eyes start showing the passing of time. I shiver whenever I think of it. I can't imagine a world where you're not in it or better, I simply don't want to. 
I'm scared that one day, the same evil that took your dad away, will take you away from me as well. I'm scared of coming back home and realise you forgot the keys or the way home. Or my name. I'm scared of that. Because I already know how much it would hurt to look you in the eyes and not finding the same woman who raised me, who loved me, who made me, me. I'm scared you would look me in the eyes, one day, and not recognise me, your daughter.
But I will always remember you. My mum, my heart, the Lorelai to my Rory.

And I'm sorry this letter got surprisingly dark and sad but the thing is, I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much, mum, so much.

I'm really glad you won't read this post, first of all because English is not your fort√® (but seriously though, you should really start taking classes or using my old school books for that!) and second because you're so old school you still think texting is cool. But I love that about you. I really do.

I love the way to make fun of me even when I'm mad; I love the fact that you have a Pinterest account but no idea of how to use it properly; I love your sense of humour, very different from mine and dad's, but still, exhilarating. I love your recipes notes all over the house (will you start using that notebook I gave you once and for all?) and how you always, always talk about food. Speaking of food, I love that too. I might marry your mashed potatoes, or your tuna pasta, or all of those Sicilian recipes you're so good at. I would marry them all. I love the passion you put into everything you do, and the love you show me and dad every single day, no matter what. I love it when you hug me and I instantly hide my face into your neck, no matter how tall I get, I will still do that and then I would breathe in the smell of you and you would complain because it tickles and I wouldn't care because you smell like mum and I want to imprint that smell in my brain, in my heart, I want to remember it, forever.

I love you, mum and I'm so grateful I have you in my life because you push me beyond my limits, you test my patience, you tell me my dreams are what make me, me and that I don't have to be scared to follow them. You have always been my biggest fan and I think it's time to tell you that I am yours.
Happy Birthday, Mum.
Love, Always and Forever.
M.

Post a Comment

Latest Instagrams

© Marquis Road. Design by FCD.